Last week I went to visit mam and dad. Something that I'm finding difficult to do.
Since their home situation came to a head now 2 years ago? (Already??). And us 3 kids along with Lynn's expertise refurbed their house, I have endured a few visits where I'm interrogated over where things are.
Dad fixates on single irrelevant things? Small items that I honestly don't remember.
I was sadly unable to memorise every single piece of junk that they accumulated over 50+ years that I threw out. And I was VERY ruthless about it.
However dad seems able to recall everything and demands answers.
This puts me in an odd situation where we're at a stalemate. He wants an answer, I haven't got one to give him but he will not let it go.
I was only there ten mins before dad started on me again.
He was once again interrogating me where things are, that I really can't remember as I failed to memorise every item in that house 3 years ago.
He's asking me where Lynn is? What's happening with the work?
Then he went on to tell me every single thing that had been botched in the house. How all the building work is shit. How the electrics and the plumbing is shit. That she must have had a load of cowboys in.
Oh and the old classic that she's let loads of people in to come and take what they want.
He said he wished we'd got a proper building firm in so he could sue them.
In the meantime shouting at me for answers I simply don't have.
I get that it's frustrating for them with the bathroom not done and stuff and if there is problems, they genuinely will need to be sorted.
But I can't stand and listen to him slag off Lynn after the basically free work she put into the house and I can't have the effort we put in to make this happen thrown back in our faces
He really is the most negative and ungrateful man I've ever known!
I've reached a point now where I want to seriously distance myself from their negativity.
I come away feeling shit every time I go there and I simply can't deal with it anymore.
I struggle with my outlook. I am truly their daughter but I do not want to become them. I work hard to be more positive. To accept my faults. To accept any blame if it is deserved. To look on the bright side.
To be a generally normal well rounded human being.
Last week ended with me getting up and walking out while dad was mid shout. I thanked them for a "lovely visit", got my coat on and left.
I haven't been back since.
Mam has messaged begging me not to fall out with her and that she "has to" stick by dad.
To be honest I never thought she had to but at this age now she will never change that outlook. I feel like all our lives she's chosen to stick with the life she never liked over the welfare of her kids because that's how her generation did it and there was no alternative. However, NOT MY CHOICE!!!
Nothing I can ever do will change anything about them. And there is nonpoint in trying.
I feel like it's just a waiting game until their generation and it's way of living are gone.
I feel numb about them yet still angry. I feel like it's raised a lot of internal childhood shit I've tried to supress and it's now just bubbling away beneath the surface.
I feel like I should be the nice person and go round and make it up to them but they/dad will just continue to shit on me. I do NOT give permission for them to do that.
I said I'm done with them. Maybe I actually am. Maybe I'm a truly horrible person for it but I do feel like I need to make a break from them for my own life and my own sanity!
I told this to my brother's but I don't think they get how serious I am.
I'm still waiting for Peter's thoughts on it a week on.
But I'm not chasing him. They can ask him the questions now. It's no longer on my shoulders.
I am done!
